Life Before 'I Do' 4

Joe and Chris were having their usual after service chat in an eatery opposite their church. They usually sit together over a pack of juice and snacks to discuss their affairs and seek advice from each other, every last Saturday of the month. Joe started the discussion with a question after they had said a short prayer. “Enhee, my guy! I have been meaning to ask you this. It’s almost four months you’ve been on courtship with Rita but you’ve not said anything about her family? Is her family here in Lagos?” Chris immediately stood up and said to Joe, “Please let me place an order for our snacks.
What would you want to take, your usual or something else for a change?” “mmmmm! I think I will settle for my usual” replied Joe “Alright. I will be with you in a minute”. After about five minutes, Chris came back with their snacks and tactically changed the topic but after about ten minutes, Joe brought up the question again. “Chris, who are Cindy’s parents, and where are they residing?”
Chris kept quiet for a while and later replied, “Well, I have tried asking her the same question but each time I ask her about it, she doesn’t seem to give me a concrete answer. In fact, the last time I asked her, she nearly misunderstood me. So, I had to let it be. Maybe during our marriage rites, we will get to meet them. The most important thing is that she is a Christian” “ Noooooo!!! Chris, that’s a very wrong decision and you know it. Yes, she is a Christian quite alright but you must find out what her family background is like. You can’t wait until marriage rites to meet your in-laws to be. In fact, you should be paying them surprise visits from time to time before the marriage rites to know how they live because that will also give you a clue of who she is. Don’t you know that our family settings and backgrounds speak a lot about us? Come to think of it, you’ve been going to your family house with her all these while, how come you’ve not met her own parents even for once?” “Joe see, we are all Christians. I don’t believe in all these family digging stuffs. Besides, I like letting the sleeping dog lie. In as much as the topic makes her uncomfortable, I decided to let it be” “Look man, it is too dangerous to let this particular dog that I’m seeing lie. The earlier you wake the dog, the better for you. What do you mean by family digging stuffs? Look man, you better wake up from your deep slumber. Come to think of it, why would meeting her parents keep her uncomfortable and you’re comfortable with the uncomfortable attitude? Eee! Your in-laws to be? The thought of it already makes me uncomfortable, may be because I’m not the one in love with her. But seriously, you have to do something about it because, obviously, something is wrong somewhere and that something is what you need to find out before it’s too late.”
Later, that same day, Chris sat with Cindy for a chat. After exchanging their love pleasantries as usual, Chris quickly introduced the topic. “Enhee! My love, please, I will love to meet your parents next weekend. I guess that will be a wonderful opportunity since you’re on leave” Cindy immediately flared up “Why do you want to ruin my evening, eee?” “Cindy see, I’m beginning to get so impatience and uncomfortable with this your attitude over this matter! What exactly is going on here? For the past four months we’ve been on this. You’ve met my people, you’ve been with them to the extent that you can tell almost everything about me and my family but I know nothing concerning your family! What exactly are we doing together” “Hei! Chris! You’re shouting at me” “Like hell I will do that over and over again if you don’t want to be reasonable! If what I take this relationship to be is not the same with what you have in mind, then I should make use of my time by seeking for my love elsewhere” With that statement, Chris stood up to leave and Cindy held him. “Alright, my parents are divorced!” Chris held Cindy. “O come on! It’s no big deal! Why do you have to keep it all these while? It’s not your fault I guess. So, what happened?” “I don’t want to talk about it” “No Cindy, we must have to talk about it and you know it” “Alright, my father accused my mother of infidelity, he said she wasn’t submissive and divorced her but the accusations are all lies. My father is a very wicked man” “Hm! That’s okay. But have you tried to reconcile them, at least to bring them back together?” “I can never do such thing after he humiliated my mother!” “Look Cindy, I know it hurts but we have to do something. We must have to make attempt to bring them back together”. “Never!” Cindy shouted with so much hatred in her voice. “Read my lips! Never! I can never advice my mother to go back to that wicked fool!”. “Haba! Cindy, that’s your father you just called that name. Stop it. You’re a Christian”. “Will you stop that rubbish Chris? How dare you advise me like a child? Who do you think you’re? Look, enough of all this nonsense! I can see exactly what my mother has been telling me. You men are all the same! Wicked unreliable specie! If you cannot marry me without meeting my father, please let me be”. Cindy responded to Joe with so much bitterness in her voice. Joe was startled. He wasn’t surprise hearing her say that all men are the same because she has made that careless statement before but later apologized but he understood immediately the root of the statement. Chris looked deep into her eyes and said, “All men are the same yet you want to marry me? What do you want to do with wicked unreliable specie? I will forgive you because I think I can understand what you have been battling with. I know that you need a change of mindset. Cindy, look, all men are not the same. Besides, you’ve not heard from your father. You don’t know his side of the story. Look, we can do something about this issue.” “To hell with you, Chris! I think I have tolerated you enough! To hell with you, your marriage and all the men in the world! Do you think you can suppress me? Do you think you can make me go against my decision in life?” Cindy, I’m beginning to see the part of the reason your father parted ways with your mother. You have that trait in you. You’re too arrogant Cindy. I have been noticing that but I was ready to tolerate you and I’m still ready to tolerate you. Cindy you really need to work on yourself.” “What? Chris, you must be very stupid!” With that statement, she grabbed her bag and walked out on Chris. Chris just looked up to the sky and said, “You’ve been so faithful Lord. You have been watching over me. Thank you Lord, for this great revelation. Thank you because you just saved me from the claws of the enemies.” Chris dialed Joe’s number. “Joe, you’re an angel in human form. Thank you for being a great friend. Do you know that Cindy has been hiding under the cloak of Christianity? Do you know that Cindy is not a Christian? I’m coming over to your house”

Step 4

TAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP HOME AND ADOPT A MENTORING COUPLE:

Family is the unit of the society and every family has history. Any relationship that is at courtship level must be known to other members of the two families. There’s great need for intending couples to know their family backgrounds. Some people see it as unnecessary but it is very important because if there are findings that you cannot live with in marriage, the best time to pull out is during courtship and not marriage. Remember, a broken courtship is far better than a broken marriage. A son that grows up with a father that batters and abuses his wife, may end up living the same kind of life, unless he grows to hate his father’s ideology of marriage. Likewise a lady that was raised by a mother that lacks submissiveness as a virtue, may end up living like her mother unless she sees marriage contrary to her mother’s view. Along with this idea is the need for mentoring couple. An intending couple should try to adopt a mentoring couple. This mentoring couple should be well-versed in the right teachings on Christian relationships and marriage. They should be able to give right advice on issues related to marriage: finances, family networking, Natural Family Planning and the gift of human sexuality, balancing work and family life and so on. Adopt a couple you would like to emulate, go closer to them and make your intention known to them. Discuss the principles you have adopted to guide your relationship. This mentoring couple can be from anywhere but not from your respective families and please be sure that they are devoted Christians that based their relationship and beliefs on God. Basically you are looking for people you trust and respect to be able to talk with openly about your relationship.



Dear friend, I enjoy having you in my world because your happiness and fulfillment means a lot to me. Keep a date with me for yet another important step to courtship. Remain lifted my dear friend.