Living With a Strange Spouse

Ngozi woke up very depressed and could not drag herself out of the bed. She just coiled up under her duvet and continued gazing into the space. She later shifted her gaze to their wedding picture and said to herself, “How people change! What must have gone wrong? What happened to that loving, caring and charming man I fell in love with years back? He is now a total stranger. He snaps at me at every little provocation and doesn’t talk to me with much tenderness as he used to. He doesn’t care for me as before and he is almost turning me to a domestic worker.
How does he expect me to do the laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning and still play a “good in bed” wife? He knows very well our domestic workers do all these things where I’m coming from. I don’t know the big deal in hiring domestic workers! Why is this man making me so miserable this early? Why is he treating me like this now? I’m so scared and confused because I’m not even sure he still loves me. He is so strange, a total stranger from the person that I used to know. What exactly went wrong?”

Ngozi sat down and took herself down memory lane. She remembered how she dreamt and planned for her wedding. She remembered all the fantasies she had before her wedding. The memory of the well-organized wedding is all coming back to her. According to her friends, her wedding was one of the best that happened in recent time. Everything about the wedding, wears, refreshment, decoration was simply out of this world. As she was still basking in the euphoria of her sweet memory, a question asked by their marriage sponsor jolted her to reality. She could vividly remember the question. On that faithful wedding day, the question made no meaning to her but today, that short but unusual question is beginning to make meaning. Their marriage sponsor asked her a question immediately she stepped into her dressing room as they were preparing to leave for church. She said to her, ‘Now that you have prepared wonderfully well for this wedding, hope you have also prepared for a wonderful marriage?’ and Ngozi absent-mindedly muttered ‘yes’. But today, Ngozi is longer sure that she planned for the marriage as almost everything is coming against her.
Ike, Ngozi’s husband sat down in his office with his face in his hands. He had been in that position since he came in. He started thinking aloud. “But what happened to that sweet, charming, loving and understanding lady that I fell in love with two years ago? She is definitely not this same person that nags, complains on almost everything I do and say. She can hardly lift a finger to run an organized home. Her food is wonderfully horrible and she spends like crazy. Lord, please I don’t think I can do this. It’s just six months into our marriage. We are only expecting our first baby and she’s already like this! How then do couples remain in this crazy union for 10, 25, 50 years and even celebrate it? Haa! I’m in serious trouble o!’
All these and many more negative thoughts were racing through the minds of this couple, six months into their marriage.
One of the major problems of man is unwillingness to face reality and sometimes it seems as if it’s more pronounced in Christendom. Some of us don’t like facing things the way they are. Most times we prefer living in denial and that’s why we can easily get burnt by a visible and obvious fire. Marriage is a wonderful institution that needs to be prepared for, but it’s so sad that in the recent time, people concentrate more on preparing a wonderful wedding without also preparing for a wonderful marriage. Marriage is not a child’s play neither is it friendship that anybody can wake up one day and say “It’s over”. The reality of life is that human beings are all created with their flaws and the truth is that NOBODY is perfect. That is one truth we MUST accept. Do not be totally disappointed in your marriage, when you notice what you didn’t bargain for because it’s bound to come up, no matter how little. That is the reality of marriage we MUST have to accept. The moment the thought of establishing a home comes to your mind, begin to work on YOURSELF. Begin to learn how to be a man/woman. It takes a man to live with a woman under the same roof and it also takes a woman to live with a man in one house. Another reality of life that many refuse to face is that when a couple establishes a home, another couple also moves in with them. The newly married man is living with his wife and whom he thought his wife to be. On the other hand, a newly married woman is also living with her husband and whom he thought her husband to be. I call it living with “who you are” and “who I thought you are”. No matter how open and transparent a couple could be during courtship, there is bound to be “new things” they will learn about themselves when they settle down in marriage. The new things could be positive or negative and it differs from couple to couple. Some people settle down in marriage to meet entirely different persons living in the body of their spouses while the favored ones only experience a slight difference from whom they used to know during courtship. So, whenever you’re preparing to settle down in marriage, get prepared for “new things” if you don’t want to be thrown off-balance. Handling “who you are” and “who I thought you are” can be very difficult and easy depending on your approach. That is why they say that marriage is a parcel which everybody needs to prayerfully go for because the truth is that once you choose the parcel, what you see inside is what you live with. A wise man or woman should never welcome “whom I thought you are” in his or her marriage because “Whom I thought you are” is a killer of marriage. You must have to accept “who you are” and send “who I thought you are” packing, if you must be happy because two couples can never live happily under a roof. Once you establish your home and notice “new things”, accept it and prayerfully talk to God about it. A man that his "new thing" is a lazy wife, has no option than to prayerfully handle the situation with a whole lot of patience so as to nurture his wife. A woman that her "new thing" is a short-tempered husband has no option than to prayerfully handle the situation so as to devise a way to live with him in peace.
Dear friends, do not be afraid of “new things”, rather be more concerned on the best way to work on yourself to be compatible with the new things. And believe me, just as new thing fades and eventually gets old, so also would the unwanted “new thing” in marriage eventually fades away when properly handled in the right way. God is totally interested in marriage that is why He’s always ready and available to walk with you in marriage. The big question is, “are you ready to walk with Him so that the “new thing” can eventually fade away?”
Thanks for having a ride with me in my world. Hope to do same, next time. Please do not forget to leave a comment in the comment box. God bless you.